A short excerpt from a long and winding stream of conscious freewrite from 2/4/09...
...Wasted time. wasted time. Thinking about how you wasted time in wasted time. Writing about wasted time is wasted time...If time is conceptual and relative can you wasted it? Can't I just conceive some more time? How about endless time? I am now conceiving endless time. Endless time is an osymoron. Inherent in time is [that it is measurable]. Something that is Endless or Infinite is immeasurable. Conclusion: time either does not exist or is finite and has a definite end and beginning; both answers raise equally troubling questions.
This is what I waste ink and paper on.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Are you...
- A single autonomous being
- A collection of individual, interdependent cells working together
- Condensed energy taking up virtual space
- All of the above
- Other
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Ego Loss
Ego loss is commonly equated to the shedding of reality as it was previously known; the breakdown of the self as an individual and the realization that all is one. The most common ways to reach complete ego loss is through hallucinogenic drugs, however this is not the only way.
I bring up the topic of ego loss because I experience it quite frequently without hallucinogens, or any drug at all for that matter. My most recent experience of ego loss was the other day, Monday, January 12, 2009 on my way to work. Around 9.00 A.M.
It's hard to describe in words the sensation of losing all sense of yourself as individual. I was riding my bike down Park Ave., in the Fan when I suddenly realized how finite and essentially meaningless life is. Not meaningless in the sense that nothing matters, but meaningless in the sense that the time that we experience as living beings is practically a blip in the eternal and unending time-line of the cosmos. Before our birth and after our death are endless abysses, while our time as conscious, living human beings is but a point. Imagine a point on an endless line and that is life as we know it.
The sensations that pass over you as you experience ego loss are indescribable using any of the five known senses. There is a complete calmness and absolutely no pain; it can, however, be quite intense and frightening.
The first few times I experienced this loss of self I was immeasurably afraid. Ego loss puts you face to face with death and that can be unhinging. However, after a couple incidents, and after educating myself I have learned to embrace these moments.
This is basically how my experiences go, as far as I can remember: rapid thoughts of the finiteness of life flash through my head, death becomes very real and tangible. The physical world begins to break down. Every concept of reality, especially technology, money, material objects transitions from murky opaqueness to crystal clarity. It becomes obviously clear that everything is connected and that the physical world is a transitional state between states we cannot fully understand as living beings. To be frank it is complete euphoria. The sensation only lasts for 15 to 30 seconds but it is intense and sometimes disturbing and frightening.
Again I have never experienced ego loss or anything like it using hallucinogens but only through random sober incidents. Anyone else had the same sensations?
I bring up the topic of ego loss because I experience it quite frequently without hallucinogens, or any drug at all for that matter. My most recent experience of ego loss was the other day, Monday, January 12, 2009 on my way to work. Around 9.00 A.M.
It's hard to describe in words the sensation of losing all sense of yourself as individual. I was riding my bike down Park Ave., in the Fan when I suddenly realized how finite and essentially meaningless life is. Not meaningless in the sense that nothing matters, but meaningless in the sense that the time that we experience as living beings is practically a blip in the eternal and unending time-line of the cosmos. Before our birth and after our death are endless abysses, while our time as conscious, living human beings is but a point. Imagine a point on an endless line and that is life as we know it.
The sensations that pass over you as you experience ego loss are indescribable using any of the five known senses. There is a complete calmness and absolutely no pain; it can, however, be quite intense and frightening.
The first few times I experienced this loss of self I was immeasurably afraid. Ego loss puts you face to face with death and that can be unhinging. However, after a couple incidents, and after educating myself I have learned to embrace these moments.
This is basically how my experiences go, as far as I can remember: rapid thoughts of the finiteness of life flash through my head, death becomes very real and tangible. The physical world begins to break down. Every concept of reality, especially technology, money, material objects transitions from murky opaqueness to crystal clarity. It becomes obviously clear that everything is connected and that the physical world is a transitional state between states we cannot fully understand as living beings. To be frank it is complete euphoria. The sensation only lasts for 15 to 30 seconds but it is intense and sometimes disturbing and frightening.
Again I have never experienced ego loss or anything like it using hallucinogens but only through random sober incidents. Anyone else had the same sensations?
Friday, January 9, 2009
School
As I grow older and reflect back on my formal education I notice significant holes. School is supposed to be an organ of a community designed to educate children, future adults who will hopefully grow up be autonomous and participate in their own community, how to live in the world and live successfully. Basically how to be a productive citizen. Taking this in, this philosophy schools abide by, it is obvious that certain things should be taught. Certain things that will help these future adults in their future adult lives.
The three basics to living are commonly quoted as food, water, shelter. Without one of these three basics it becomes increasingly difficult to live and eventually impossible. That's why they're the basics. And this is where the hypocrisy of the school system comes into play. I cannot name one class I have ever taken that taught me how to obtain food, how to obtain water, or how to make shelter. Not one.
(Public) schools are run by the same people that run the government, the same people that run the prisons, the same people that run the economy. Schools are nothing more than factories churning out cogs for the economy. Those that protest, do not fall in line with the "norm", who would rather not be put on the assembly line only to come out a fresh new addition to the machine, usually end up as a number in a prison. Making money and helping the economy is what is constantly drilled into our heads by our teachers principles and media. There is no other way to be a productive citizen. Ironic; to be a productive citizen you must consume.
This concept of a productive citizen, ingrained in the American psyche, is inherently unstable. Students are taught that the end all be all is the United States Dollar. Without Washington staring you in the face, you cannot eat, you cannot drink, you cannot have shelter. There are men women and children all over this country who starve because they 1. don't have enough money to buy food, and 2. because they don't know how to make their own food. And what do we, society, tell them to do? Get a job. Make money. Then you'll have your food. Think about that and see how ridiculous that sounds. We have put numerous steps and middlemen between the person and the most basic needs the person has.
What good is biology when it is never applied? What good is the Pythagorean theorem when a man doesn't know how to use it to build his house? The USD will not last forever. If we are truly a nation of independents we need to start teaching our children to be truly independent, not to have to lean on currency.
The three basics to living are commonly quoted as food, water, shelter. Without one of these three basics it becomes increasingly difficult to live and eventually impossible. That's why they're the basics. And this is where the hypocrisy of the school system comes into play. I cannot name one class I have ever taken that taught me how to obtain food, how to obtain water, or how to make shelter. Not one.
(Public) schools are run by the same people that run the government, the same people that run the prisons, the same people that run the economy. Schools are nothing more than factories churning out cogs for the economy. Those that protest, do not fall in line with the "norm", who would rather not be put on the assembly line only to come out a fresh new addition to the machine, usually end up as a number in a prison. Making money and helping the economy is what is constantly drilled into our heads by our teachers principles and media. There is no other way to be a productive citizen. Ironic; to be a productive citizen you must consume.
This concept of a productive citizen, ingrained in the American psyche, is inherently unstable. Students are taught that the end all be all is the United States Dollar. Without Washington staring you in the face, you cannot eat, you cannot drink, you cannot have shelter. There are men women and children all over this country who starve because they 1. don't have enough money to buy food, and 2. because they don't know how to make their own food. And what do we, society, tell them to do? Get a job. Make money. Then you'll have your food. Think about that and see how ridiculous that sounds. We have put numerous steps and middlemen between the person and the most basic needs the person has.
What good is biology when it is never applied? What good is the Pythagorean theorem when a man doesn't know how to use it to build his house? The USD will not last forever. If we are truly a nation of independents we need to start teaching our children to be truly independent, not to have to lean on currency.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Random Thoughts
Working alone in a warehouse for 20 hours a week for the past 10 months has made me slightly more antisocial.
When making homemade french fries save the skins; they can be baked later or made into beer.
No good novels have a happy ending.
I imagine that death is much like before you were born.
A theory of time has been forming in my mind for the past few years; everyone experiences the same amount of time, a lifetime. The time experienced between birth and death for a five year old is the same time experienced between birth and death for a 100 year old. That's why each week, month, year, etc. always seems to go by quicker as you get older. "Time" is compressing itself within your lifetime.
I've lived over the entire city of Richmond but I only really feel at home when I'm in the 757.
Meditations by Marcus Aurelius will make you feel like a worthless piece of shit for laying in bed too long in the morning.
The bottom rung of the ladder is the most important rung. All the other rungs look down on it but without it they are all useless.
When everything is weighed out, I find myself a pessimist and I'm fine with that.
When making homemade french fries save the skins; they can be baked later or made into beer.
No good novels have a happy ending.
I imagine that death is much like before you were born.
A theory of time has been forming in my mind for the past few years; everyone experiences the same amount of time, a lifetime. The time experienced between birth and death for a five year old is the same time experienced between birth and death for a 100 year old. That's why each week, month, year, etc. always seems to go by quicker as you get older. "Time" is compressing itself within your lifetime.
I've lived over the entire city of Richmond but I only really feel at home when I'm in the 757.
Meditations by Marcus Aurelius will make you feel like a worthless piece of shit for laying in bed too long in the morning.
The bottom rung of the ladder is the most important rung. All the other rungs look down on it but without it they are all useless.
When everything is weighed out, I find myself a pessimist and I'm fine with that.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
